Wirral Borough Council - Keeping It Simple For Our Thicky Residents

Are you a Wirral resident?
Are you a bit thick?

Being residents of Wirral we believe that the council thinks that we are all just a little bit simple in the head.

Wirral Borough Council are in the process of harassing local businesses to force them to display a no smoking sign at the entrance to all commercial property.

As no customer has ever smoked or even requested to smoke in any of our premises then it would seem a pointless exercise. All of our customers have always assumed you cant smoke and so have therefore refrained from even trying it on our premises.

This year however, the council thinks we have gone 'all retarded' and now need a sign to show the simple residents of Wirral that smoking isn't allowed. We don't have any signs forbidding urinating, defecating, spitting or civil war re-enactments which is of obvious concern.

We pay rates based on the square footage of our shop frontage. In demanding that we display a no smoking sticker they are reducing the usable space of this shop frontage and yet they will not reduce our business rates accordingly.

Wirral Council - Dont smoke, dont urinate, dont defecate, dont spit and if you can avoid breathing that would be appreciated
When the council offers a discount off the business rates to cover the losses associated with providing the anti-smoking lobby with free advertising in shop windows then I will begrudgingly oblige. Our charge is 125+VAT per annum, it's only fair especially as they seem to make up the business rates as they go along!


To Wirral Borough Council:
To arrange payment email us at joenetuk@hotmail.com

If You Are A Wirral Resident Who Is A Bit Thick
Get in touch with the council and maybe they can help you out http://www.wirral.gov.uk/

If You Are Not A Resident And Want To Visit This Wacky Place
Wirral is a nice place, even though you made find us all a bit backwards (according to the council). Find out how you can 'simplify' your life with a visit http://www.visitwirral.com/

Being Bullied Into Giving Up Smoking Because Of This Ban?
At the Wirral Borough Council funded school I attended we
were always told that:
 Losers Quit
I'm not a loser so I'm not quitting.